Jayne Twiddle - a 'confident lady'!
I decided to set up Confident ladies after going through some life changes myself and after each of these I was left thinking 'Ok, what do I do now?'
Jayne Twiddle - a 'confident lady'!
I married when I was only 19, my Husband was twelve years older than me and despite many people, including my family, telling me it would never work as we were too different I had done it, my stubborn Capricorn nature won out I presume! I was pregnant with my first daughter and she was born as I turned 20. I don’t think at the time I ever told anyone but this was one of the loneliest times of my life. I was just 20, had a new baby, who I loved very much, but I’d moved to York where I didn’t know anyone, my old friends were doing the teenager bit and going off on girlie holidays etc. I managed to put on a front to my family that all was well when they came to visit (something that carried on for many years, probably due to pride) but deep down I wasn’t happy even then. I’d grown up with my lovely Mum and Dad who were always there for each other and I suppose I’d had a rosy idea that my marriage would be the same but we were so different that over the next few years my morale and self worth were just chipped away at and any spirit I once had in me had all but vanished.
I had two more beautiful daughters over the next seven years which kept me busy along with the various part time jobs I did but it got to the stage where I started to notice every little noise my husband made, him drinking his tea would drive me crazy and eventually even his breathing got my heart racing (and not in a good way!) I knew I had to get out before I either ended up in a psychiatric hospital or prison for murdering him; it may sound funny but that is truly how I felt.
It was the feeling that my girls would be without their Mother in one way or another unless I did something about it that spurred me into action. Knowing my Husband would never move out because his idea of a marriage, however bad, was that you stuck at it whatever I knew it would have to be me that left the family home and that the girls had to come with me because I could never leave them nor they couldn’t stay there. I had fire in my belly for the first time in years and within a week I had told my parents (they were not shocked just pleased I’d come to my senses I think) secured a rented house for us and got another job, within Estate Agents, to run alongside another part time job I was doing at the time.
The girls and I moved into our house on a Saturday in August we carried a bin bag each with some belongings in as, in an attempt to keep me my Husband had said we couldn’t take anything with us; so after 14 years of marriage that’s all I had but I knew it was the right thing to do and as my sister had said to me, “you’ve got the batten now; keep running” I was determined not to look back.
That first month was hard I had phone call after phone call at varying times of the night telling me that my ex was going to kill himself (in various different ways) if I didn’t come back and that I would be to blame for that and my daughters would hate me for it. That was so hard. I stuck to my guns though and I remember one night after the girls were in bed feeling a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders, I felt younger than I had done and actually excited about life for the first time in years.
Shortly after this my boss at the estate Agents offered me a full time role and I loved the job and progressed to be a Departmental manager within nine months of working there, my self esteem was rising and I’d met and new Man (who I’m still with today) thing were gong really well. I then progressed further to become a Branch manager and my income was good. My then Ex Husband had moved to Turkey; we found this out through a friend of a friend, the girls had by that point got used to not seeing him as despite saying he could have them once a week that had rarely happen for one reason or another.
I’m fast forwarding a little now to August ’08. I was happy in my work and home life the girls were all doing well and then I was made redundant. It was a shock and I felt, for a while, ‘why me, I thought I was good at my job etc, etc’ but the property market had crashed (as we all know) and of course the cloth had to be cut accordingly. I managed to pick up work in other Estate Agents on an ad hock basis for the next few months, then work in an investment company basically I decided I would do whatever I needed to keep working until the property market picked up.
Then in January this year a close friend of mine’s 25 year marriage fell apart after her husband revealed his four year affair with their neighbor and friend. My friend was distraught and over that month kept saying similar things as I’d been feeling those years ago (despite the differing circumstances), she didn’t know what to do, where to go, how to feel, how much to tell friends and family; she was in a mess. I started to think there must be other women who feel this after all a marriage breakdown or redundancy or bereavement isn’t something you can plan for really, it’s not something you can get used to straight away it take time and support.
I’d started to get things together to start up a business to help support and give women a new focus, fun things to do together when I got a phone call one afternoon from my sister telling me that my Dad had to go to a specialist for tests. Now my Dad had only turned 64 the month previously (June ’09) and he was, to everyone who knew him, as fit as a fiddle, he’d just come back off holiday and thought he’d picked up some sort of bug so he’d popped to the village Doctors because it had been a week and he still wasn’t feeling too good. So I was shocked that he was having to go and see a specialist on the Thursday but I wasn’t too worried, my Dad was never ill and look great. However, on the Wednesday night early Thursday morning he was rushed into hospital after suffering excruciating pain in his upper stomach. Over the next few days there were tests and more tests and it was discovered he has secondary liver cancer. My lovely Dad, my rock, Granddad to eleven grandchildren; died five weeks later in August ’09. His death has left a massive hole in my life but as yet I don’t think the true reality of never seeing him again has hit me
I am thankful that I had started to put together Confident Ladies as it has given me a focus through this difficult time, I have meet such amazing, incredible and inspiring women that have given me to drive to keep going. I know in my heart of heart my Dad is here with me and I also truly believe that ‘things’ happen for a reason and my reason is to build Confident ladies and provide and a resource system for women going through personal change in their own lives in one way or another.
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